Last day

I sent out email informing all my clients about my resignation on Thursday evening. On Friday morning, I received calls from them. Everyone kept asking me the same question, why, where, when etc etc. I know, I will be missed and of course for sure I will miss working with all of you. In a way, I'm sad because I'm leaving the company though its not the best company ever. I'm really touched when some clients actually offer some contacts they have in HK to me.. Thanks. I really appreciate that. In other way I'm happy too because I'm about to step on a journey of no turning back, a brand new chapter of my life.

I'll be facing life with months of not working, not having income and living on my savings. Honestly, that scares me. It still does. But like what I've said to myself thousand times over and over again, don't look back and respect my own decision.

I celebrated my last day with 2 of my colleagues and a voice talent. I'm really grateful for the Thai dinner she bought us. Like what she said, how often do I quit my job.. hahaha.. It was really really good. This place is out of no where in Sg Buloh with factories and villages in there. I'm surprise how she can even find that place. On our way back, I had this first time experience in my life. Sitting in a BMW convertible, with the roof open in Malaysia! Wow.. even when I was in Aussie I never had that chance. I always thought it is cool to sit in that kinda car, I did it today! It was weird to do this in Malaysia, with the concern of road safety and amount of carbon monoxide we're inhaling but what the heck, life's short and I love it!!!!

I will miss everything

I was calling talents and booking them for recording, running around for scripts and looked busy. Well I was at that time. Suddenly a talent asked me will I miss what I'm doing now after I left the company? I answered no but actually, I will.

I'll miss the "busyness", the people and the place of course. I don't know if I'm gonna have this kind of homely office in the future and most of all, I don't know how's my next jobs is gonna be like.

I have so many question marks in my head and I just wish someone could clear it up for me. So many uncertainties in my life now and I don't like this feeling. I don't know if its all worth it.. I really don't know.

Friday night

I'm wondering.. Is it normal to stay at home on a Friday night and plus tomorrow is a public holiday? Maybe age is catching up, I don't feel like staying out late. Shit. I could have a night with nice food and entertainment but instead I chose to went take away and stay home and have my own peace. So not normal..

Anyway, I forgot to update since my last post haha.. Totally, completely, absolutely forgotten.

My last day would be end of this month. End of June. Yayyyyyy. I don't know why I'm so happy at seriously cos I'd be jobless and that means no income and that means I can only live on my savings. Sometimes I'm not sure if I made the right choice but since all is done, I'll go with the flow.

Tentatively, my plan for July would be travelling. Hehe.. I'll be in Singapore, KL and Melbourne. I'll be heading to HK for maybe 2 months in August. Actually I know what's gonna happen next, my bf is gonna propose and I'll say yes and then we'll be getting married! So predictable ya.. no surprise.. We even talked about when to sign the papers and when the actual wedding is gonna be held. We sorta skipped the propose part first because we're in 2 different places. I can't really expect him to fly over for 1 day just to propose and fly back. Economically, it's a waste of money but honestly, it would be great if he did haha..

I guess for the next 1 year I'll be travelling alot because of the wedding. It's my own wedding and I can't expect my family to do it for me, right? That just gives me more reason to come back.. We wanted to get the R.O.M done in January in HK but right now I cannot announce yet cos he hasn't propose and the KL wedding will be in May and HK side in June but that's all what we think.. For now, I shall say nothing first.. =P

Updates - Family

So many things happened lately and every time when I have the urge to blog, something came up and I always put this blog at the last of my list. Now I'm here blogging from work, maybe this is the best time to blog.

First thing first. I'm an aunty now! Lil Jack has arrived in this world on the 17th of April. That explains why I was busy, running around the hospital, helping mum to do house work, etc etc. Here's a pic of him.

Jack Nelson Hyrsky

Halt for now

Nothing happened is the problem. I guess I'm starting to get sick of long distance relationship. I know, how can I do it all these years? I'm sure I changed a lil, so did he. I got lesser and lesser topic to talk to you and forgot how to make you laugh anymore. Maybe this is the too-long-didnt-see sickness. 4 months.

People always said if 2 person has been in a relationship for sometime, its either they get married and move on the next level or thats it. Its so unfair to me. I can't just give up now. And I can't force someone to marry me and kept pushing him if he's not ready. Before that I thought, wow I'm so ready to take this relationship to a new chapter of my life, but I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and now I decided to stop waiting. I'll just enjoy myself with my life until the day you are ready. Who knows if that day will come or not.

The reason I'm getting impatient is because I don't see why we can't. After all the book about one month to live, the more I wanna cherish every moment. There's no such thing as ready. What I believe is if that 2 person is really in love, then anything is possible. If we'll have to wait till everything is ready, some things will be different. Maybe he don't get it and want things to be perfect but I decided to keep my mouth shut, just to have the little bit of pride to myself.

The moral of the story is don't hope too much. That'll make you feel better.

Inspiration

Today is one of the emo day. Normally rainy days will make me emo but this time, a recording. I was recording this personal album of a 50 years old lady which has super nice and warm voice and she sang lots of old songs. After she sang the song light of my life, she cried in the booth while explaining why she chose this as one of the song in the album. It reminds her of her father. Actually when she was crying, I wanted to because it makes me very emo. I was holding my tears and was sobbing but no one knew.

It makes me wonder what if I'm at her position and everyone will have that moment because people can't be with you forever. That's just life. It makes me treasure the people around me even more so that we live with lesser regrets in our lives. Though that's what I've been doing, spending time with family and friends whenever I can because we'll never know when's the next time we'll see them.

Lately I've been having lots of deep thoughts about death. I got this book few weeks back by Kerry & Chris Shook - One month to live. I haven't read the book yet but I think it should be nice and hope I'll be inspired by then. =)

These few days I've been so obsessed with Mousehunt, the game in facebook which I need to catch some mouse using different traps and cheese. Maybe it was my luck, I didn't get anything at all. I played this game since last year and there are giveaways events such as new year, valentines and now, their first anniversary which you can win cash. Nothing since last year. I got so angry and kept complaining to everyone with all the why and why and more whys.

I then come to a conclusion when the event finally ends. In life, we don't get what we wanted so easily, same as this game. I really shouldn't be so obssesed with it. It's just a game afterall. If I get it, I get it. If I don't, accept it and stop making as if they hate me or something.

Enough of the emo and so-called "inspired" post. Time to shower and have some good sleep since I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days because of the obsession.

我把自己弄丢了

有时候写着日记，感觉自己在对着自己说话。
说一些无所谓的话给自己听，也是为了纪念某些可以遗弃的旧记忆。
一直都觉得没人能读懂我，心可以孤独地活着。
当个心灵的独舞者，一路奔放就不会牵牵绊绊。

写字其实是孤独的，因为不想言诉，所以选择无言，化成文字。
彼时的情，此时的忆，挥落在尘土散去的空间，我迷惘的双眼看不见自己的灵魂在飞舞，听不见心与心之间的对话，感觉不到眼与眼之间的瞬间，我把自己弄丢了。

Zorbing

It all started with an invitation in facebook and the next thing I did was send out to all friends that I thought would be interested. It requires us to pay in advance in order to play this zorb thing and so we did haha.. It's only RM40 compared to NZD45.. so wtf.. just do it!

Last Saturday, I gave my first time to Zorb. It took place in Gemas Golf resort. I woke up at 6am and we meet up the rest at the Sg. Besi toll. It took us 2 freaking hours to reach there but it was all worth it.

Prior to this roll down the slope, we finally know how it feels like to be Rhino the hamster in Bolt the movie.

Inflating the ball.....

The 2 hamsters wanna be..

11am. It's hot like oven inside.

If I didn't pay any cash for this I would have chicken out. The more I see the ball roll before my turn, my heart beats even faster. The moment I was in the ball I told myself that IF YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. And so I did. I'm so pround of myself hahaaa...

Die die la...

The hole is that small, I have to pretty much "zoom" in from far or I'll get stuck.

Getting the harness done as safe as possible. Heartbeat = 200bpm!!!!

Thanks for sending us off, peeps.

We just kept rolling and rolling and rolling..

Lastly, all the first time zorber in Malaysia!!!

Everything's Good!

I have been really busy these days but just wanna jot down a few words! I'm good.. I'm fine.. I'm great.. I'm ok.. Overall everything has been good!

I was in HK to see the bf last month for Christmas.. I have hid the previous post because.. it was too emo and sigh.. I changed my mind..

Should end this post with my latest pic cos I'm lazy too type further.. =)

Visitors

I didn't sleep well yesterday. I have visitors. Some people might think I'm crazy but I swear I saw things I've never seen before.

As usual, after I hung up the phone after a long chat with the bf. The next thing happened was there were many many many "objects" talking to me. I prefer to call them aliens, or maybe there is a better word to describe, at least not that I know of. Obviously when this happens, a normal human reaction would be - scared. I know I was half conscious that time, but I don't know what were they talking about, it sounds gibberish to me and I have no clue at all and not intending to find out. So I pray that they'll go away. They did after a while.

I stared at my glass door. Shit how am I supposed to describe how they left?? Imagine photocopy machine.. That kinda light. It was middle of the night and I saw it twice next to my door. It freaks me out. This is like what I've always seen in the movie, when the others goes back to the UFOs.. the light will bring them up or suck them up or something. The next part was even exciting. I know the possibility of UFO in my room sounds very stupid but the next thing I saw was lights with many many colors spinning in a very fast speed, roughly the size of football on top of my ceiling. It moved around and spin even faster and it disappeared when I blink my eyes. It was that fast. It might not be UFO because of its size but then what was that?

I still don't get it.

Since young, I know I'm more prone to all these negative energy which means they allow me to see them once in a while. There were a period of time where I can smell them. Every time during the presence of "the others", I smell fishy smell, as fishy as blood.

The only logic explanation to all these encounters of i-dunno-how-many-times, is that I was tired and tiredness makes me hallucinate. Good night.

Anger

I was so angry today. My hotmail account was hacked for the third time this year. I wonder wtf is the problem. Could it be just a random script who hid inside both my pc and mac and hack it whenever they like or was it a real human who's so free and kept doing it every now and then to me? Whoever and whatever you are, fuck you x infinity x loop it for as long as the earth spin.

The departure of Jim Clancy in ghost whisperer makes me even sadder. Why why why? Eventhough he's such a redundant role in the show but he's such a sweet and supportive husband.. I almost burst into tears during the shot where Melinda saw his ghost. Damn it!

Am now listening to Chipmunks Christmas songs.. makes me feel so much better after all these anger the whole day!

Emo

The moody Tracy is here, pms-ing. I guess its this few days.

Moody leads to emo. While I was emo-ing, I miss Buddy. And missing Buddy makes me cry. Its been 2 months, I can't believe he left just like that. Time heals but it can never make me forget how painful it was. If I can exchange something to touch you one last time now. I would.

稻香之旅

I spent my few days in Alor Star. At first it was mum's idea to go visit her hometown then I was inspired by Jay's song - 稻香 (Dao Xiang) and thought maybe its good to give myself a short break and head north to smell the paddy!

People in small town tend to be so much nicer and warmer. Most important, they are themselves. They are real. At least I don't feel that they have barrier and that so-called defense wall like us.

Here I don't have to worry about how shitty I look when I go out, I walked straight out to the market with my pyjamas without combing my hair, brushing my teeth and washing my face. It feels soooo damn good.

I asked mum how old is this tree. Its as old as long as she can remember..

Grandfather's clock

I grew up in the city, so I'll never know and never understand how people live in small town feels like. Visiting to these places makes me appreciate where I am now. I remembered the trip back to China, dad's hometown was great. It was 5 years ago. I got to see the aunty I met for the second time in my life and cousins that I never knew existed. Sometimes I wonder what would I be if my grandfather didn't bring my dad to Malaysia? Will I be like the rest of the cousins?

I'm blessed that I know how both my parents grow up and maybe why I'm me and nothing really matters as long as you're happy no matter where you are!

Aussie Aussie Aussie

The recording yesterday ended at 230am. I was super tired. First, I'm aging, so I can't stay up late like I used to as those days. Second, the levels of the whole recording is making my ears and brain very drained. Thanks to this super deaf musician. It's reaching the level where my ear actually hurts a lil and he still said louder.. Niama.. but the whole night I didn't give a shit on anything else besides wishing the clock could tick faster.

I slept at almost 330am and got up at 8am! I'm supposed to start work at 1pm since I worked late but I went to work at 10am. What an workaholic. I couldn't sleep. My body has its own clock and automatically woke up. No matter how I try to make myself to fall asleep again, it didn't work and the next thing I know is I'm on the way to work.

I'm gonna stay past 12am today. Air Asia is giving free tickets to Perth, Gold Coast and Melbourne. I missed it the time before and I'm not gonna miss it this time!! I'll get ready my credit card and flying date and click buy when I found the "0" fare option!

Australia, here I come again! Told ya I'll be back!

Late night

Sunday supposed to be relaxed and chilled.. BUT.. Somehow some assholes will screw up your weekend once in a while. The whole day of doing nothing and the thought of I have to work at this miserable hour of 11pm makes me wanna puke. 11pm is the time I'm getting ready to sleep. I don't mind if it has to be a weekend job, but not like this. Fuck whoever celebrity you are. And so happened all the males in the company are out station. Such a coincidence.

After all the cursing and swearing since Friday (the day I know I have to do this recording), the curse actually worked a little bit. It wasn't 11pm but 9pm. One vocalist coming at 9 and the other one coming at 11. Still...... I was cursing it to cancel or postponed till weekday!

The cursing and swearing wasn't that effective. It took me the whole Friday night to convince myself to accept it. It's raining outside and how wish I can sleep till next morning. The moral of the story is..

If you can't beat it, join it!