No work today!

It has been almost 3 weeks since Buddy the dearest left us. I'm surprised how I healed so fast. It doesn't mean that I don't love him anymore but I guess I've moved on. I was in a pet shop the other day with my colleagues and it still hurts when I saw his favourite biscuit on the shelf, thinking there's no reason for me to buy it anymore. I know.. life goes on..

That's why I've been keeping myself busy. I finished Ghost whisperer season 1 and 2, moonlight resonance and your class or mine. My eyes are seriously tired. Now I'm left with some movies and series that I don't feel like watching so I can concentrate on my exam. I went to register the exam on the last day which is Sept 2 and got stuck in the stupid jam for almost 3 hours during office hour. Didn't know it can be so fucking jam. Anyway, I'm officially sitting the test this December 7 for Level 4! 私は12月のJLPTの検査を取っている。がんばてください!!

It's Saturday today and I'm so glad I don't have to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a long list of stuff I need to do. Sigh.. really wish someone can do it for me.

Day 2 without Buddy

I lost a friend, a very best friend and today's the second day without him.

There is really no such thing as ready. Eventhough I'm starting to accept that he's gone for real, sometimes I still hope he'll be wagging his tail and run around the house, waiting for food as usual. That's just to cover up my sadness, to cover up my anger for losing him. I can't forget the moment of his last breath, his cold hand and feet, the moment we wrapped him up, the moment he was covered. I just can't do it right now.

I woke up early this morning because that's the time you were gone yesterday and cried, knowing that I really won't be seeing you anymore. I was alright when I was at work. I laughed, I joked and I'm really thankful to have all my colleagues that love me. I became not ok when I got home.

When I was in bad mood, when I reached home I would went in straight to the house without even touching you. But you never once ignore me. Without fail, you'll sat right outside the driver's door waiting for me. I'm really sorry for that. If only I know God is gonna take you away so soon, I swear I would have love you more. Much much more.

When I got back from dinner just now. You were not at your usual spot. That makes my heart even sore. Very naturally everyone in the family would turn off the headlight when entering the house because we know you got cataract and it'll hurt you eyes. I wish you were still there so I can turn off the light. It became part of my habit.

I went to your "grave" and talk to you. I'm not sure if you can hear me but I just want you to know that please go to the light if you see it. I know you miss us and we miss you alot too.. We'll be alright and we just want you to be happy.

RIP Buddy..

For the past 1 week, Buddy's condition has became worse. I kept praying that he'll go away soon so that he won't have to suffer. I really hate myself for not being able to do anything. I still am..

The maid woke me up at 730 this morning and ask me to check out Buddy. He's no longer breathing but I manage to see his last breath. He was vomiting watery blood water. It was rather quick. It was less than 5 minutes then he's gone. At least he pass away without much struggling.

His body soon became stiff and we had to bury him. We dressed him in his "Buddy" shirt and wrapped him in white cloth, together with his biscuit, tray, matress and mangoes. I'll never ever forget that moment to see him covered with soil. Buddy.. Thanks for all the happiness, joy and laughter you brought to us all these years. You'll always be loved and remembered.

Buddy
24th August 1995 - 9th September 2008