Halt for now

Nothing happened is the problem. I guess I'm starting to get sick of long distance relationship. I know, how can I do it all these years? I'm sure I changed a lil, so did he. I got lesser and lesser topic to talk to you and forgot how to make you laugh anymore. Maybe this is the too-long-didnt-see sickness. 4 months.

People always said if 2 person has been in a relationship for sometime, its either they get married and move on the next level or thats it. Its so unfair to me. I can't just give up now. And I can't force someone to marry me and kept pushing him if he's not ready. Before that I thought, wow I'm so ready to take this relationship to a new chapter of my life, but I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and now I decided to stop waiting. I'll just enjoy myself with my life until the day you are ready. Who knows if that day will come or not.

The reason I'm getting impatient is because I don't see why we can't. After all the book about one month to live, the more I wanna cherish every moment. There's no such thing as ready. What I believe is if that 2 person is really in love, then anything is possible. If we'll have to wait till everything is ready, some things will be different. Maybe he don't get it and want things to be perfect but I decided to keep my mouth shut, just to have the little bit of pride to myself.

The moral of the story is don't hope too much. That'll make you feel better.

Inspiration

Today is one of the emo day. Normally rainy days will make me emo but this time, a recording. I was recording this personal album of a 50 years old lady which has super nice and warm voice and she sang lots of old songs. After she sang the song light of my life, she cried in the booth while explaining why she chose this as one of the song in the album. It reminds her of her father. Actually when she was crying, I wanted to because it makes me very emo. I was holding my tears and was sobbing but no one knew.

It makes me wonder what if I'm at her position and everyone will have that moment because people can't be with you forever. That's just life. It makes me treasure the people around me even more so that we live with lesser regrets in our lives. Though that's what I've been doing, spending time with family and friends whenever I can because we'll never know when's the next time we'll see them.

Lately I've been having lots of deep thoughts about death. I got this book few weeks back by Kerry & Chris Shook - One month to live. I haven't read the book yet but I think it should be nice and hope I'll be inspired by then. =)

These few days I've been so obsessed with Mousehunt, the game in facebook which I need to catch some mouse using different traps and cheese. Maybe it was my luck, I didn't get anything at all. I played this game since last year and there are giveaways events such as new year, valentines and now, their first anniversary which you can win cash. Nothing since last year. I got so angry and kept complaining to everyone with all the why and why and more whys.

I then come to a conclusion when the event finally ends. In life, we don't get what we wanted so easily, same as this game. I really shouldn't be so obssesed with it. It's just a game afterall. If I get it, I get it. If I don't, accept it and stop making as if they hate me or something.

Enough of the emo and so-called "inspired" post. Time to shower and have some good sleep since I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days because of the obsession.